Do You Know Who The Fuck I Am? By Sunny Awhefeada

The vulgar title of this piece owes its shocking essence to the vulgarity of a lawbreaker who masquerades as a lawmaker. I have resolved not to mention his name throughout this intervention in order not to dignify him and reduce this column to the base degree of his character. The lawmaker who is a member of the Federal House of Representatives is also a fake senator as he thumped his chest and told his victim “I am a senator”. That wasn’t a slip of tongue, but an attempt to intimidate the poor. In a video that has been trending, the fellow verbally and physically assaulted a Bolt driver, Mr. Stephen Abuwatseya, who was at his gate to deliver “snails” to him. The transcript of the unprintable invectives, threat to life and the visuals of the punches he threw at the apparently helpless Bolt driver are already in the public domain. Thankfully, the victim of those tirades and blows has not been as helpless as his assailant thought. The lawbreaker-lawmaker threatened to beat the driver, tie him up and throw him in his generator house. He boasted that he was not going to pay him for the services rendered. He told him he was going to make him “disappear” and nothing will happen. He even bragged that the police, including its Inspector General can do nothing to him. Then he rained slaps on the hapless driver who all along remained polite as he pleaded to be paid for his service. When the lawbreaker-lawmaker realized he was being recorded, he told the driver to record him “very well” and he made an attempt to smash the phone. Thankfully, the smart victim had recorded the incident and what followed were public flaying of the lawbreaker-lawmaker and the unfolding of the social justice for the victim.

Despite its negative effects on society, the social media as a colleague was emphasized is for social justice. This essence of social justice and its tendency to institute rectitude is what has been playing out in the last few days.  But for the spontaneity and pervasive coverage of the social media, Mr. Abuwasteya would have remained locked up in a dingy cell, framed for a criminal offence he didn’t commit and awaiting trial while being subjected to serial extortion by a police force that has turned against the very people it was meant to protect. The lawbreaker-lawmaker on the other hand would have been drinking champagne and enjoying his “snails” and waiting for the next victim of highhandedness.  What played out in this episode is so rampant in Nigeria that it can be said to be true to type of many in the class of the powerful and the rich. It was not too long ago that a senator who actually was a sinator assaulted a salesgirl in a sex toy shop in Abuja. The incident which was captured on camera trended for some days and the debauched fellow offered an unconvincing apology. It was also in the same Abuja that a judge who superintends public conduct was also recorded assaulting a helpless fellow at the parking lot of a mall. This incident of the Big Man beating up the Small Man and locking him up occurs daily in Nigeria. In an earlier decade a rear admiral who couldn’t dare confront militants or sea pirates sat at the back of his car and ordered his orderlies to beat up a defenseless lady in Lagos.

A trademark statement or better put question by the assaulters is “do you know who I am?”. But in this case that question assumed the unabashed vulgar character “do you know who the fuck I am?”. Our lawbreaker-lawmaker went low. He occupies the debased class of the most despicable of characters configured by Jonathan Swift’s imagination. The lawbreaker-lawmaker’s action is an apt reflection of the impunity and brazen character of many Nigerians who find themselves on the other side. He meant everything he said, but for the smartness of the driver in recording the incident, all that he said would have come to pass. The lawbreaker-lawmaker would not have paid the driver for service rendered. He would have beaten him black and blue and tied him up dumped in the generator house. He would have got him arrested and made him disappear.  The lawbreaker-lawmaker meant it when he boasted that the Inspector General of Police cannot do anything to him. His type has many police officers in their pocket. That was why the police first reaction was to detain the victim and let the lawbreaker go. The story only changed when the video surfaced. The police would have made it “double wahala for dead body” for Mr. Abuwatseya.

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In depicting police culpability in matters of oppression, a friend told the story of how a Big Man beat up a Small Man some years ago. The Small Man was advised to report the matter to the police, but the wife told him that there was no need since the police would always side with the Big Man. The people around pressured the Small Man to go to the police and he did. At the police station, he was made to pay some money and a detachment of six policemen went with him to “arrest” the Big Man. It was December and a few days to Christmas. The police drove into the Big Man’s expansive compound and they were still explaining their mission when the Big Man interrupted them asking how many they were. He asked his boys to give the policemen six bags of rice. They all said “thank you sir” again and again and as they turned to leave, the Big Man told them to wait. He went inside and brought wads of naira notes and handed them over to the policemen. Again, another round of “thank you sir” followed. The departing cops told the complainant to come to the station the next day. The Small Man went there as directed and he was told not only to withdraw the matter, but to pay ten thousand naira to “tear the paper”. He was detained and his phone seized when he protested. The wife had to pay the money to get him released. So, when the lawbreaker-lawmaker boasted that he would make Mr. Auwatseya    “disappear” or that the Inspector General cannot do him anything he knew and meant what he was saying.

Whatever condemnation trailing the lawbreaker-lawmaker’s action, his arrest and arraignment by the police, must be ascribed to the watchdog role of the social media and the smartness of the victim who had the presence of mind to record the incident. The lawbreaker-lawmaker has offered a public apology and promised to do community work.  Well, let him come to Ughelli to daily sweep the main market for his community work after which he can resume as a street sweeper in Mr. Abuwatseya’s neighborhood. Besides the ongoing prosecution, the lawbreaker-lawmaker must be made to undergo a drug test. What the driver delivered to him was “snails” and I am told that “snails” is a euphemism for hard drugs in Abuja and other places! He has been granted bail to the tune of five hundred thousand naira. The public must play its role as watchdog and ensure that the prosecution is followed through. A clamour for his suspension and recall will not be out of place. Nigeria doesn’t need such persons in public office. When he asked, “do you know who the fuck I am?”, he was only depicting that he was most unfit for the high office he found himself. He should be confined to the zone of “who the fuck”! His type must not be allowed to continue assault our sensibilities!