Okorodas: How To Manage DNA Trauma

By Michael West

When the news broke out early in the week that a judge broke down in tears when he found out through DNA tests that his three children were actually fathered by another man or men, I wanted to ignore the story. This is because we have treated DNA issues just a couple of weeks ago. What a pity! I want to salute the man for being strong and for promising to sustain his fatherly support for them. For how long, he didn’t mention but I guess it is for as long as the children recognise no other person as father but him.

Justice Anthony Okorodas’ statement gave a graphic picture of betrayal and deliberate wickedness unleashed on him by his divorced wife for reasons best known to her. I feel for him. I believe he can handle the situation and still be a man he has proved to the world that he is. The whistleblower that hinted him about the sacrilegious act of his ex-wife must have been in the know all along. In most cases, friends or confidantes are usually the ones that do expose such deep secrets. It is worth revealing all the same.

If I have the contact of Barrister Celia J. Ototo, I will like to know something that some folks may not really care about. I agree that on no condition should a married woman become adulterous to the extent of giving her husband pregnancies that were not originally his. Even one is bad enough much less the whole three children! Haba! Perhaps she has her reasons for doing this to her former husband. What led her into committing the unholy act is what I wish to know.

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For example, a reader shared a close relation’s story with me. She said when the married woman in question mistakenly took in for her lover, she tried to terminate the pregnancy while it was barely a month but it failed to drop. “She received doses of injections and took several pills all to no avail. Each attempt to go for evacuation through D&C became risky. Thus she kept it and her husband took responsibility for the pregnancy.

“As we speak, the boy is the most successful of all their children not only in the man’s immediate family but also among the larger family. Their children do fall sick and perform poorly in schools, while their adults barely manage to feed. But this young man is the first university graduate in the family. He rarely fall sick unlike his siblings. He is well paid at work and he travels out the country at intervals on official trips. He’s the first to travel abroad in the family. At some point, the elder brother of his dad became suspicious of the boy and he started insinuating the possibility of him being a “strange” blood because everything about the boy is unique and effortlessly successful.

“The woman quickly applied wisdom to dissuade her husband from listening to his ‘jealous and never-do-well’ brother. Upon enquiry about the boy’s life, she was told that the problems and afflictions associated with her husband’s family do not have power over him because the family gene is not in him.”

The above story kept me thinking since I was told two weeks ago. Does it mean that a sinful and sacrilegious act of infidelity could turn out to be a blessing in disguise? She concluded the story by saying the woman was no longer panicking about the secret leaking out because her husband can’t afford to lose the paternity of the boy for whatever reason. He is the one feeding the family, empowering his siblings and also supporting the extended members of the family. “In short, he’s the ‘Joseph’ of the entire family,” she added.

There are women who confessed to bringing pregnancies from ‘outside’ to their husbands to avenge maltreatment or acts of betrayal. It is quite important to know why Ototo did it at all. Anyway, whatever her reasons or excuses might be, they are tantamount to a campaign after the election. It amounts to nothing and it cannot change anything.

I like to encourage His lordship to remain calm. As long as those children do not opt out of his life, he should keep them. I fear that intimacy, communication and free access or right to express requests or demands may be affected. I hope it doesn’t get to a level where Okorodas will be practically reaching out to them in the house as they may appear withdrawn and secluded. Buried in self-pity and shame, the children may become sad and weep whenever they think of their ‘illegitimacy’ in Okorodas’ family. Hey! They should take it easy. Children at orphanages are human like them. By Nigerian law, Justice Okorodas is still their legitimate dad. They should not feel like outcasts in his home. He is the only dad they know. These guys need total healing from within. Okorodas should address his children with his wife, Ebi, present. He should first ask them if they want to go or stay with him. Their response would determine his next line of action. If they choose to stay which I’m sure they will, Okorodas should allay their fears by reassuring them of his fatherly love, support and care unconditionally as it has always been. Ebi should remain their mom indeed leaving no room for hurt. In moments of offence, disagreement or provocation, utterances that would make them regret being in existence should never be uttered. Okorodas and the traumatised children need Ebi’s support to heal faster and overcome this harrowing experience of their life. There’s no other way to manage a devastating condition like this than to let go just as Okorodas has pronounced in his statement: “For Celia and her boyfriend or boyfriends, we leave them to their conscience.”

Truly, he’s a good man and a father indeed. I wish Okorodas’ family well.

West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk 08059964446