Bad Marriage: Why Men ‘Secure’ Their Wives

By Michael West

Saturday, January 8, 2022, as early as 6:30am, I received a call that cleared sleep out of my eyes. The caller, who hide his caller ID, explained why some men do seek spiritual help to cage their wives. The caller, who later disclosed his identity said “it is not evil to ‘secure’ a good wife especially when you know that her presence brings favour and prosperity into your life.”

His words: “I ‘secured’ my spouse for good reasons. I love her so much and I don’t want her to lose her because men chase after her everywhere. Besides, I don’t think what I did is evil since I didn’t harm her in anyway. I’m a hotly jealous man and I become temperamental whenever I see men trying to woo her whether online or offline. Some men are so daring, because she is beautiful, they can’t hide their admiration for her even when they see us together. I became abusive as a result. I do beat her silly and that’s why she’s been threatening me with divorce. I deny her financial support as a way to weaken her willpower. I did a few other things to subdue her. I did all that to secure my home.

“I didn’t know about the ‘native security’ until I shared my fears with a friend. He took me to a man who, to my amazement, said that women with good and prosperous aura are in short supply these days. ‘If you are lucky to have one, you have to secure (tie) her from going away.’ He did some findings about my wife in my presence and told me things I have never shared with anybody that had happened to us. The man was so accurate that I admitted that I needed his help immediately. That was how I’m able to keep her till date.”

I asked to know in case she finds out, he said it is not impossible because she attends a praying church where anything can be revealed but I did nothing wrong. I simply make her uninterested in any other man except me. That’s all. Besides, she may not believe it because she has never seen charms or any juju with me before. The spiritualist didn’t give me anything and the work is very effective. He doesn’t have to give you anything. It is the target’s details that are only required.”

As revealing and scary as this appears to be, most of those who engage in such practices see their innocent spouses as ‘captives’ in their marital cells. This brings to mind the trust issue in relationships and the need for abusive partners to make conscious efforts to have a change of attitude rather than going spiritual to manipulate their spouses. However, the way men hook their wives from divorcing or separating from them, likewise, there are women who subdue the willpower of their husbands in order to gain control and enjoy the latitude to do whatever pleases them.

I’m aware of the potency of God-given power to humanity. As a believer, I know the power of God is attainable through prayers, fasting and living a consecrated life. However, it is also possible to access other form of powers through alternative means through mediums, invocation of metaphysical rituals and elemental beings. Therefore, the users of alternative means to influence things in their favour do not see anything wrong with it.

Through interactions I had with some senior citizens over this issue, I discovered that the use of native means to stabilize marriages is not new to our society, though discreetly applied. An 81-year-old community elder who spoke to me explained that “Our fathers and grandfathers used native means effectively and silently to prevent good women from leaving them. Naturally, women dislike rivalry but patriarchal authority, wisdom and traditional nuances were deployed to maintain the balance at homes. Men were ‘kings’ in that era. Their words and actions were authoritarian and unquestionable. However, our mothers at the time, too, had their own subtle methods through which they checkmated and defied their husbands without acrimony. The fathers at the time didn’t have the animalistic nature of beating their wives. They used abstinence from sex and rejection of foods as major weapons to discipline erring or recalcitrant wives.

Have you wondered why a woman who had moved out and remarried, after having one or two children elsewhere, she will return to her first husband and they will still live in peace as if nothing had happened? That’s elders’ secret at work. In addition, our fathers graciously applied tolerance, patience and forgiveness as key factors that sustained their marriages. Those three virtues are needed to keep marriages working in this generation. However, a virtuous woman can still divorce especially if her marriage is largely abusive; and, importantly, if she has a strong family support, but not without the man making efforts to prevent her exit.”

There are two major ways people keep their spouses in bad marriages. One, through delay tactics and, two, through spiritual means. There are two major categories of spouses that people won’t let go out of their lives easily: spouses that have positive and prosperous aura or what people refer to as good luck. Also, kind-hearted, faithful, responsible and industrious spouses.

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According to a clinical psychologist who is also a relationship coach but preferred to remain anonymous, “The most effective strategy that men use to keep their abused spouses in marriages is superficial change of attitudes and begging. They apply this method to buy time. They’re ready to say sorry whenever their wives are provoked or they threaten to quit. The men usually plead for another chance over and over again. Through this approach, weeks will roll into months and months into years and still counting.

“They use delay tactics to keep women blessed with great attributes and godly character in bad marriages. The women will merely rant, threaten and weep but going nowhere. They often rationalize their continued stay on factors like children, people’s opinions and religious affiliations without thinking about their own lives, sanity and wellbeing.

“The abusive and mean men are known through failed or partially fulfilled promises, selfish behaviours, suggesting ideas or projects that will take some years to accomplish while still exhibiting their hurtful traits, feigning to be caring and romantic only when they need sex, pretending to appreciate their spouses using flattery and cajoling them into believing that they mean well. They isolate their wives from family and friends that can influence them. Some of the men do cover up their sinister motives with religious facade etc. Unfortunately, softhearted women who fall for their lies and tricks would regret when it is too late to quit on account of age. At that time, the man will totally relapse into his hard, selfish, vindictive and abusive character without restraints knowing that it is no longer in her interest to quit the marriage no matter how frustrating it may be.”

Conversely, this scenario also plays out against men. It is even worse for men because such unfortunate men are treated as slaves, rendered financially incapacitated and in some cases, imbecilic. I know a man who became so retarded that he would accompany his wife to the waiting car of her lover. A number of times, he would advise the man to please take care of his wife till the next day in case they finish their ‘meetings’ late because he’s not comfortable with his wife returning home at night. I think you also can cite one or two similar cases you know or you have heard of. While men ‘secure’ their spouses from divorcing them, wicked women do manipulate their men into becoming somebody that can’t challenge or curtail their excesses.

In conclusion, the octogenarian alluded to the fact that “Nobody throws stones or sticks at fruitless trees. Men will go the extra mile to keep beautiful women of value. They are great assets and blessing to their husbands. Those frustrating and inflicting pains on their spouses should change before it is too late. They may beg, make promises (most of which are usually not fulfilled) and ‘settle’ those who have a say or influence on the spouse’s family but if the abuse continues, the marriage will ultimately collapse. Some men are aware that if their spouses should go, they may likely experience dwindling fortunes thereafter. Warnings like these are the reasons they become desperate and use all means possible to help themselves.”

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